Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
