I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
