She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
