Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
