Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
