Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
