I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
