She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
