oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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