I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
