my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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