Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
