R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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