Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
