No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
