its not stalking. its research.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
