There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
