Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
