You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
