i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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