i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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