I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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