I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
handjob tips. give me some.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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