I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
