just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
