:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize