She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
