youre lurking in front of me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
