watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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