Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
