Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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