We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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