We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You took a bar mat shot.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.