You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
