My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
