Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
