the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just googled if crying burns calories
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
