I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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