Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
