We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
