Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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