Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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