I'm lost and stupid without you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
