The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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