I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
