life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
