Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
