i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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