I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
