oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
