I will die if light touches me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
