When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
