dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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