Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
