Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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