I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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