An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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