So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
