Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
