She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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