i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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