that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
