I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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