$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
