Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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