Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize