he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
