I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
