Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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