Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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