Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
