what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
