so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
