New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
