if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
