I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
