I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
