I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he fucked my hip out of place.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
